Yesterday was the day, the first Tuesday in November. Eager for the onerous task to be done, I got myself to the polls early. The outcome never meant so much to me, nor did I care about it with such angst. Elections, in my lifetime, tended toward Tweddle Dee/Tweddle Dum options for the Oval office. The only seeming difference between the candidates was their party’s twist on graft, corruption, gerrymandering and the court, or whatever agenda du jour happened to make the ballot.
In the days before we became so fractured, our elected officials were hard to tell apart because the electorate was more homogenous. Not so much these days. Americans lost our innocence when those planes flew into the twin towers. Fear took over, driven by ego and greed.
I envied the verve women all around me felt for breaking the ceiling, but, oh, why her? Even the passion the basket of deplorables mustered for their candidate, I wished for some of it. For the last six months my abiding question: why can’t I get past the despicable personalities and focus on the issues? All I can see are two loathsome talking heads spewing invectives, pointing fingers and doing their utmost to separate our country into reds or blues. Name calling, and judgments ran like a leaky toilet for the past year.
After I voting my conscience, I took the canine friends off to the woods to clear my head hoping of find something positive to write. For most of the walk, I told myself the deplorable choice we all faced today was, in fact, our shadow staring at us. Like in comic strip Pogo, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” A noxious voice in my head retorts I was spouting new age hokum.
There is a favorite passage from A Course in Miracles I like to recite to remind myself of my purpose when I fall off track or to quite the noise in my head when it reaches a crescendo.
I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
Those words echoed on my tongue as I happened upon a bearded man, decked head to toe in camo, carrying a rifle. After exchanging greetings and pleasantries, we discussed his black powder gun and the size of my dogs. Did my hounds scare away his game? He assured me that it was no problem. Then confident of my candidate’s win, I left him with a gratuitous show of largesse, despite my certainty of his political leanings; I said, “don’t forget to vote.”
He responded, “Yes, ma’am I sure would if I could figure out which one I disliked least. You would think we could come up with better choices, wouldn’t you?”
I couldn’t stop it, I opened my mouth and out came my thoughts on how I believe we are responsible for this. If we want better representatives, there is work to do. No lecturing, just saying out loud what I had been thinking.
He said, “it’s in us. We are going to make the changes in our hearts if we want better leaders. Our hearts are going to have to change.”
We went on our ways. Still mulling what to put on paper, I half heard what the man said. Still grousing about the horrible the choice we were forced to make, focusing on the divided nation listening to my ego. With every step, my sadness increased until by the time I was back home I was near tears, still deaf to the hunter’s words. I had an appointment with a wise woman I admire. We talked, as I struggled to maintain my composure.
Off topic, I began to tell her the story of meeting the hunter and what he shared with me. He had repeated my thoughts back to me almost verbatim had without my knowledge. No words exchanged, I had made my mind up, dismissing him and his wisdom while going through the motions of conviviality.
My friend said, “You saw an angel today.” I wept in gratitude for the truth of what she said. Also, in humiliation for my judgment, which caused me to missed his essence.
This morning, I am challenged to love the parts of me I shove aside, dismiss as not worthy or despise. I can no longer afford to straddle the fence and condemn. The time is here to reject my ego’s siren’s song. The time is right to heal to learn to love every part of me for all our sake.