One hears nonsense from would be experts and so-called “scientists” all the time. They claim they are following rigorous discipline but often it is no more than holding a finger to the wind and saying whatever comes to mind.
“The sun comes up every day in the morning,” is a prime example, another pseudo-scientific theory that threatens our democratic way of life. First, the sun’s rising is arbitrary, it may come up in New York at 7:38, but appear at Sri Lanka ten hours earlier.
And if there is a thunderstorm, the sun may not show up at all. That’s the Lord’s way and for anyone to make a blanket statement like the sun comes up every day in the morning is not only creating a false reality but threatening the very foundations of our Christian society. The sun comes up if and when the Almighty wants it to and doesn’t conform to any artificial constructs advanced by liberal scientists.
The reality is this: one must embrace the fact that while the first rays of sunlight may show in Iowa at 6:42 AM, months later it may climb over the horizon at 8:27. If that isn’t arbitrary, I don’t know what is and anyone who believes differently not only does not accept the divine order but is also one brick shy of a load.
I call these misguided people “One Brickers”—“one-bees” for short (rhymes with wanna-be’s). They refuse to accept fact and instead peddle absurdist theories like the groundhog as a predictor of the seasons and stepping on sidewalk cracks as harbingers of bad news for your mother’s back. C’mon, folks, let’s get real.
I unfortunately live in a country of one-bees and know them all too well.
These are people who when you ask them a simple question like: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” they give you a bunch of gobbledegook like, “Well, the answer depends on what kind of road it is. If its asphalt, then the answer would be “The chicken crossed the road because they enjoy walking on bituminous surfaces.”
And the malarkey doesn’t stop there. They’ll go on to tell you that if it is a dirt road, the chicken crossed it for no good reason at all since chickens have anomalous trichromatic vision and can’t tell grass from gravel.
That’s the one-bee BS for you—when every American with their head screwed on right knows that the chicken crossed the road because its GPS said, “Make a left turn and proceed to your destination”.
See what I mean? Obfuscating theories getting in the way of just plain fact–that’s the way these self-styled know-it-alls work.
Here’s another stupefying example I picked up from hanging with one-bees. These “geniuses” will tell you: “An apple does not fall far from the tree.”
Can you believe that? What about during a tornado? C’mon, cyclones have flung apples miles away from the tree they came from. Squirrels can pick them up and carry them off. Crows too—they love apples.
In fact, from my experience, you seldom find apples under the tree, you find them most often in the produce section of the supermarket. So the statement should be revised to read, “An apple does not appear by magic at the A&P, it is transported there by Teamsters and placed in displays by produce department employees for people to buy and enjoy.”
Here’s another doozy: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” That’s one you hear all the time from one-bees. As if you can cut a house in half and expect the two halves to stand. Hell, they’ll collapse in a big pile and they’ll be dust and rubble all over the place.
Back to apples for one final example: An over-educated smart alec will tell you “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Now how stupid is that?
Just try putting an apple in front of the door and see if that keeps the doctor out! Now if you took 365 days worth of apples, you probably could build a big enough pile to stop anyone from opening the door. Or, if you took fifty days worth of apples and catapulted them at the doctor as he got out of his car, you probably could give him pause.
So let’s revise the statement to read, “Apples can be an effective weapon against trespassing doctors.”
See how applying a little scientific method can cut through the confusion and lack of clarity in this world and help us to see things as they really are?
Now go eat your apple before the sun goes down and your house splits in two.